Last month’s Single Girl vs. Married Girl was such a success that married girl (@SurferWife) and I decided to get even more personal. We are giving up the details on what happens in our bedrooms. Certainly we single girls can’t be so different in the sack than you married girls. Or can we?
In any given month, how many times do you do the horizontal dance?
@SurferWife: Twice. Every first and third Wednesday, at 9:27 pm sharp the festivities begin.
Jenny McCarthy: Sometimes zero, sometimes 20 times in a month. Depends if I’m single or had too much tequila.
Are you usually the initiator of the fun between the sheets?
SW: As I stare into my pajama drawer and see a nighty, I think how I am totally the initiator. Then I get distracted by my oversized I <3 Jake Ryan night shirt and figure if he wants it bad enough, he’ll initiate.
JM: I always seem to be the initiator but I think it’s because I’m not married. When I was married I never initiated; as a single woman I am much more randy!
Is there anything you’re not willing to do in bed?
SW: The man watched me birth his offspring. There’s not much I’m not willing to do for him (though I will never get in the Dutch oven my husband so kindly provides for us every night).
JM: I’m a Scorpio. We are the number one astrological sign that is up for trying new things in the bedroom, but being single you don’t really have to do much because it’s exciting just being with a new person. After about six months, though, I get bored so the naughty Halloween costumes might come out of the drawers during Easter time.
Quicky or marathon sessions?
SW: Quicky sessions followed by sleepy sessions. I mean, I have an early carpool to drive the next day, you know?
JM: I’m a halfway in between kinda girl. I don’t like too short and I don’t like too long. Being single though, marathon sessions can become annoying. You tend to think they are not into you if they don’t go quickly, and when they do, it feels like they are giving you a compliment by showing how turned on they are.
Have you ever faked it?
SW: Never with my husband, no. But I did grow up in the “When Harry Met Sally” era. Who didn’t want to impersonate Meg Ryan? I now realize I need to publicly apologize to my exes.
JM: When I turned 35, I decided to not fake anything anymore. Life is too short to miss out on the greatest serotonin high God gave us.
Who do you think about during Sex?
SW: WHO do I think about? My husband. WHAT do I think about? The hot pair of shoes I’ve been coveting and how I can sneak them into the closet without him noticing.
JM: Usually the person I’m with. But that person has no idea that there are a bunch of other people in the room I imagine helping him along.
Where’s the most interesting place you’ve had sex?
SW: Oh, God. Um. You’re making me go way back in my ever-diminishing memory bank. Let’s just go with anywhere that doesn’t have a sleeping child down the hall.
JM: The waterbed I had in college. I never knew they could pop. Needless to say, it was an interesting night.
Alright kids, let @SurferWife and I @JennyMcCarthy know which one of our sex lives sounds like yours. Inquiring minds want to know!
