My husband is not interested in having sex with me. He claims his disinterest is because of his diabetes, yet refuses to go to the doctor. Sometimes I think he’s just not attracted to me because I’ve recently gained weight, though he assures me that this isn’t true. I’ve tried a few different tactics to initiate sex — I’ve even tried seducing him when he’s half asleep. Do you have any suggestions that will help me regain his interest? Or ideas about how I can get him to go to the doctor?
— The Issues Are Getting to Me
Girl, first of all, I’ve only had sex in my sleep once and I can’t remember if it was good or not — so if I were you, I’d avoid it. In regard to your husband’s sex drive: Diabetes is a very serious disease and can often cause erectile dysfunction. And feeling inadequate for any reason can really put a damper on anyone’s libido. Keep in mind how much men rely on sex for their own self-worth — his problem may be causing him the same distress that your weight issues seem to be causing you.
I suggest you take time before going to sleep at night to just lay in bed naked with each other and talk. Don’t put any pressure on each other to perform. Ask questions; learn about what turns him on. Play silly touching games like you’re in middle school. Watch erotic videos together. If you feel the need to climax, do it in front of him and don’t be embarrassed — you have to feel sexy in order for him to see you that way. It’s most important that you work to love yourself. If all of this doesn’t work, Google some images that show what diabetes and lack of blood flow can do to your appendages — and tell him to use it or lose it!