Columnist Jenny McCarthy discusses how to know when its the right time for marriage
I have a dilemma. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nine months now. We get along incredibly and he treats me so well. From time to time we have discussed a future together, and I can definitely see myself marrying him. However, he has recently been discussing a proposal and at this point, I don’t think I am quite ready for that yet. I want to be with him, of that I am certain. But I just feel that right now it’s too soon. He is a bit sensitive and I don’t know how to tell him that I’m not ready for an engagement without hurting his feelings — or possibly losing him altogether.
How should I handle the situation?
— Andrea from Bensenville
Jenny says: Well, if you really want to make this easy, send me his email and I’ll tell him for you — or have him read this column. I’m only half kidding!
First of all, you have been dating only nine months, so the fact that you want to wait a while to get engaged shows a lot of maturity on your part! (Sadly, I want to marry every guy I date within the first year of dating. I don’t have your maturity even though I know you’re right.) I can understand where your man is coming from, so let me tell you what is going on in his head: fear. He is so happy with you that he fears losing you, so he is probably under the delusion that getting married will make him feel more secure. He doesn’t realize yet that marriage certificates do not come with guarantees.
My suggestions are these: First, be honest with him that you’ve always had a plan in place — the plan being that you would wait two years with a boyfriend before you actually decided to talk engagement. If that seems unrealistic to you or too difficult, try to make him feel a bit more secure about the relationship. Let him know that you are his girl and you are hopelessly devoted forever. Some guys need a bit more reassurance than others.
My other piece of advice might be a bit ridiculous but we can totally get away with it ’cause we’re chicks. Tell him you went to a psychic and the psychic said, “When you turn (insert future age), the man you will spend the rest of your life with will propose to you.”
That way, even if he doesn’t believe in psychics, he won’t want to run the risk of being the guy who proposes too early and doesn’t spend the rest of his life with you.
It’s kind of sneaky, but sometimes sneaky options work. Good luck!