Columnist Jenny McCarthy discusses why Mr. Right isn’t always Mr. Right Now.
I’m 28, female and live in Chicago. I just split with my boyfriend of more than three years. I’m embarrassed about failing in the relationship, and I get shy around people as a result. I want to meet Mr. Right and have kids, but I don’t feel ready. I feel rushed. Most of my friends are married, but I don’t want to take the wrong path.
— Anonymous from Chicago
Jenny says: Aw, girl. I feel for you. It sounds like you are allowing your friends to influence your thinking when your instincts are spot on. You don’t want to take the wrong path right now. Let me tell you why you are right.
First, let’s clear up the fact that you are embarrassed for “failing” in the relationship. That is just crazy talk. I’m the poster child for “failed relationships,” and I don’t give a crap what people think. If you think staying in a dysfunctional relationship forever gives you extra credit in the school of life, I would not want to go to your school. I give you an A+ for moving on!
Some people just need more teachers than others, and if you can accept that timing is a universal law, then you will never again worry about when Mr. Right will show up. Let me expand on that.
There are a couple of laws of the universe that I live by, and they have changed my way of thinking. The first one is, “Everything happens for the best reason possible,” and there’s also, “There are no accidents.” Some people may beg to differ, but I bet they’re the ones who are mentally suffering with some of their life experiences. I’m not Yoda, so I, too, fall into the “woe-is-me” mindset, but I quickly remind myself that if the universe is friendly and everything happens for the best reason possible, how can I complain about the timing of when Mr. Right comes?
Things come to you when they are meant to come to you. Not before; not after. It sucks most of the time, but there is no way around it, so it’s best to join Team Acceptance because Team Denial is just plain painful.
If you are ever confused about whether or not you should or should not be in a current relationship, ask yourself this: “How do I know if I’m supposed to be in a relationship right now?” The answer is that you’re not. Plain and simple. The universe knows when you are ready and you are not, simply because you are still single! The same holds true for me. I’m single. How do I know I’m supposed to be single right now? Because I am. Arguing with reality is like arguing with God. I would suggest trusting that!
Well, unless you’re an atheist. Then, I would just tell me to shut up.