Three years ago while I was writing my book “Love, Lust and Faking It,” I interviewed a divorce attorney to see how many affairs involved Facebook. His answer was staggering.
He said 30 percent of all divorces had the word Facebook in them. This was around the time that I finally decided to join Facebook. Once I signed up, I finally understood why those numbers were so high.
One of the first things I did was look up every boy I dated. Most of the time I was shocked to see their beer bellies and bald heads, but there were a few that brought back sweet memories of my youth. As I sat there trying to observe my thought patterns like a psychologist, I noticed that my feelings about love back in the old days were not as tarnished as they are now. Everything was fresh and new. There wasn’t enough baggage to project ill feelings when I was younger because I hadn’t experienced any ill feelings yet. This is one of the reasons I think we are so attracted to our past loves. They make us feel young. They let us enjoy the feeling of untarnished love again. Plus, I also had thoughts of wanting to show an old flame how good I got in the sack. When I was young I just laid there like a sack of potatoes. As soon as my boobs started to resemble a sack of potatoes I knew I had to learn actual techniques to distract any guys from seeing my own aging sack of potatoes. So, showing off new moves was definitely part of the fantasy.
I believe fantasizing about old flames is normal, but the problem I have with Facebook is that it allows affairs to develop with just one click. They make it way too easy. It usually starts with requesting them to be your friend. Then, you raid their photo album to see if they are worth fantasizing about. Then, you check relationship status, kid status and you send a, “’How the heck are you’ message?” Once they respond, messages are pretty platonic but in less then a month, they become flirty. Then, because of Facebook’s GPS system, your ex can see what bar you are in that night and they just “happen” to be there in an hour. The next thing you know, you are in a local motel having an affair. No wonder divorces are rising every year. I don’t think its because couples give up so easily; I think its because social media makes it so easy to replace your spouse!
I decided to call that lawyer to see if the number had changed over the past three years. I was hoping it had gone down for the sake of monogamy. Guess what? Yup. The number rose. Sixty percent of his divorces involved Facebook. He said he even used his clients’ private messages as evidence. EEEK! Cheaters beware. I would think twice before you start flirting with an old flame. It’s not as private as you think.
If you feel like you might be vulnerable or you’re worried about your spouse, it might be a good idea to set boundaries. Exchange passwords so you are not tempted by Bobby’s firm butt or Suzie’s new midlife crisis fake boobs. I can’t imagine screwing up a really good thing for a night down memory lane.
Do you know friends who are currently having a Facebook Affair? Or are you having one? Spill the beans or show me your potatoes!
