Want to learn a lot about yourself? Well, just interview an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend or ex-spouse.
Sometimes it’s hard to see our own foibles, and there is no better teacher than someone you have been in a relationship with. Most don’t end in a friendship, but if you ever do find yourself Facebooking an old flame, you might want to copy these questions and send them to him or her. It takes a brave soul to hear the uncomfortable truth about yourself, but if you feel like taking a quick course in your own spiritual evolution, do what I just did and interview an ex!
JENNY: What was your first impression of me when you first met me? Did it match your perception?
EX: I had no idea you were that fun.
JENNY: Geez sounds like we had sex on the first date. Did we? Haha.
EX: No, actually, you slept with my best friend. That’s how we met.
JENNY: Oh, yeah. Hmm. Awkward. Well, as the old saying goes, we learn a lot about ourselves in relationships. What did you see in me that could also be a reflection in you?
EX: I was surprised how smart you were. Your brains attracted me more than anything. It was cool to watch the ability in you as a writer and an intellectual. Also the fact that you brought me to brothel to do research for your book Love, Lust and Faking It on our second date didn’t hurt either.
JENNY: So if I am your reflection, I guess you are saying that you are a smart slut?
EX: I’ll take it.
JENNY: I know I appear to have my sh*t together most of the time, but I’m human and we both know that even though I try to evolve, I have flaws. So, what are they? Hold on while I turn up my music really loud.
EX: You sometimes like to have too much fun. You don’t like people leaning on you and I mean physically leaning on you, especially when you are on your period. You have a terrible memory of actual events in relationships. You have lots of gas. You go to the bathroom with the door open. You act like you like you want to have sex six times a day, but it’s really more like one or two times a day. You break up through text messages. You talk to me sometimes like I’m an employee, and I have to read about who you are banging next in the morning paper.
JENNY: Ouch, that sucks. Well, I would have to concur on those and will work on them. I did change one thing though. I don’t break up through text messaging anymore.
EX: I actually appreciated the clean break. It helped me move the healing process along faster.
JENNY: Well then if we ever date in the future, I will text break up with you again, just for you.
EX: (laughs)
JENNY: Why do you think I still have yet to be in a long-term relationship?
EX: I think you are such a powerful woman that it is hard for you to find a guy that stimulates you on all different levels, intellectually, sexually and he has to be incredibly good-looking even though you lie and say you like bald guys. Come to think of it, we totally should have worked out.
JENNY: Tell me what you have learned from our relationship?
EX: Things always seemed best when our communication was honest. Like if I wanted Chinese food and you didn’t, you would speak up immediately and that was so much easier to decipher then playing mind games. If either one of us went along with something just to appease the other person, resentment would start to build up. Fortunately, we didn’t have that problem. Also the most important thing is being able to love yourself. When we were both happy with ourselves individually we seemed to thrive together. Although, we were both guilty of not having enough self-love during certain points of our relationship, which in the end led to our demise. Having a mutual respect, honest communication and self-love are the keys to a successful long-term relationship. To achieve these all at once requires diligence and hard work. I think we got lazy!
JENNY: Sometimes it takes a few more teachers to get there.
EX: I guess so?
JENNY: As you know I’m a monogamist. Well, you don’t know for sure, but I was. Recently I did a blog on monogamy, and looking back at our relationship, do you wish we weren’t monogamous? Did you ever get the itch? And I don’t mean in your privates.
EX: No, I never really got that itch! Trust me in my younger days I scratched everything I could but in doing that, it was like I was treating relationships like a drug. You chase the next best high and indulge in all things sensual. Not to mention your ego feasts on all the attention but in doing so, playing the field eventually takes a toll on your body and your soul. Long-term love and monogamy is what I like to call the yoga of relationships. It’s the union of the mind and the body. You have to work way harder to attain it. But I believe it is well worth the wait.
JENNY: Give me one reason why we shouldn’t date again.
EX: You are too bossy. You tell people what to do.
JENNY: Oh really?
EX: Yes!
JENNY: Well I think we should have sex right now.
EX: Whatever you say.
