When asked by the press who I was most excited to see at the American Music Awards, I replied, “The Bieb!”
Mainly because I have a niece who is so incredibly head over heels in love with him. He is her “Fonzie,” so I was hoping to score an autograph for her. When I opened the envelope and The Bieb had actually won, I immediately thought, “Damn, I wish I had a pen,” because I would have made him sign an autograph right there on stage in order to get his trophy.
As he walked toward us he kissed the girl who was holding the trophy, so I knew he was coming into my vortex of “oh no, what is Jenny gonna do?” As he moved toward me, I decided to give him a juicy lipstick kiss on the cheek. I thought it would be kind of funny because he would be delivering his speech with my lipstick remnants on his face, but Luke Bryan (who I was presenting with) blew it. He started wiping the lipstick off, thinking I did it by accident. I knew I had to step up my game and turn my G-rated joke into a PG-13 one. So I cougar-attacked Justin Bieber.
When I first saw press photos, I giggled. The look on his face was like he was being choked to death, and then suddenly I had a flashback. Oh no! I did actually choke him! Poor guy. Sometimes I don’t realize my strength, and I didn’t want him to get away too quickly so I held him by his neck. Once I did let him out of my grip, I decided to give him a little smack on the butt.
Fortunately, I am 40 years old and the cougar thing just happens to be really funny to me. If I was in my twenties, I think I would have been the one getting choked by a mob of 18-year-olds in the audience, but because I’m an old bird, they got the joke.
Later that night I saw him at an after-hours party with Selena. I was happy to see them back together. I can only imagine their conversation about that crazy old lady that attacked him on stage. Unfortunately for Justin, I plan on presenting just as many awards in my career as he plans on winning.
Sorry, buddy.
