When I decided to move to Chicago, my goal was to give my son the best childhood possible — and to fall in love with a hunky Midwestern guy who would enjoy watching my face crack through our golden years. A couple of weeks ago I was shocked to see a survey that rated Chicago the number one most promiscuous city in America. What?! How can this be? This city is the heart of America, not the heartbreak of America.
I know there are couples out there that are OK with their spouses playing Twister with someone else, but what about the couples who aren’t OK with it? What do they do? I have always been a monogamist in my relationships and this makes me wonder — is monogamy gone? Did it end like premarital sex did? Premarital sex was such a huge deal when I was growing up. Now it seems like condoms are given out at 16-year-old birthday parties. Is this era also an end to monogamy?
I went on the hunt and talked to men and women about this, and I was amazed to find out their theories. One guy told me that anything you do with your mouth is not considered cheating. It took me a second to picture all the places you would put your mouth, and then I stood there in shock.
The women weren’t any better. One woman said, “As long as I can have fun in Vegas, he can have fun in Vegas. I just don’t want to know about it.”
I was on a mission to figure out why this is happening. If monogamy is fading away, what has changed? Looking back through history, men have always been able to separate the two. Sex was just sex and making love was making love. They were able to compartmentalize it. Women were not able to see it that way. It was called cheating. So my theory (OK, it’s not my theory — it’s the guy that sat next to me on the plane’s theory) is this: Women have caught up to the man’s way of thinking. They are able to love their husbands, but look at sex outside of marriage as just sex. That’s why it seems like it’s happening everywhere — because the women have become willing participants.
I usually wrap up my columns with a moral of the story. This time, I’m throwing it out to you. What do you think? Is this the end of monogamy? Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
Send your questions to Jenny at askjenny@suntimes.com
Photo by Valerie Macon~AFP/Getty Images
